Episode 3
HAIR WE GO AGAIN
Inspired by his own never ending quest for the perfect toupee Calculus sets
out to corner
the men's hair replacement market with the ultimate one-size-fits-all wig.
His idea is to splice the frozen DNA of a Wooly Mammoth he found in his walk-in
freezer with the DNA of a common hamster. He calculates the result will be
a Wooly Hamster that grows the perfect texture of wavy golden locks with
just the right amount of hair for a one-size-fits-all wig. Wooly Hamster farms
will sprout up everywhere and soon every hairless head on the planet will
sport a Calcu-Wig.
C: "Imagine, Buffalo, a one wig fits all that can keep your head warm
in an ice-age!
Chrome domes will worship the very ground I scoot on."
B: "Wow, Doc, that's even better than you're all-you-can-eat-eel restaurant
idea."
However, as Calculus is preparing the DNA mixture he is distracted by a TV
news item showing Captain Fluke receiving an honorary doctorate degree from
Princeton University. The Captain had wandered into the University by fluke
thinking it was a necktie museum and was awarded the degree when he accidentally
walked on stage and was mistaken for the Nobel prize winner in genetic engineering.
Calculus screams "What a fluke!" and mishandles his mixture.
The result being a GIANT Wooly Hampster.
Enraged by this genetic mishap, Calculus releases the giant wooly Hamster
to destroy the city of Mainstream.
However, The Captain intercedes and by a complete fluke captivates and soothes
the Behemoth Rodent, finds him a new home at the zoo and uses his sheered
Wooly Hamster fur to make cold-proof sweaters for the homeless.
Fluke is then awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Calculus gives himself electro-shock treatment to overcome the emotional pain.